Blue and Bronze: The Real Ravenclaw

The theme for the Hogwarts Houses series is, quite frankly, one of honesty, with member of each house taking to disclosing the true nature of their House. Whether dispelling stereotypes or proving them, each writer seeks to get to heart of each House.

So, naturally, a Ravenclaw accepts the challenge with tenacity.

To start, let’s look at the negative aspect of the Ravenclaw name. According to Slytherin prefect Gemma Farley, Ravenclaws are so competitive when it comes to academics that they are known to backstab each other, and other students, in order to get the grade. Hufflepuff prefect Gabriel Truman observed that they are so proud of the success of famous members, such as Laverne de Montmorency, that they claim any intelligent wizard as a member of Ravenclaw, such as Bridget Wenlock, who was in fact a Hufflepuff. So, we can see that, yes, pride in intelligence is a bit of an issue with Ravenclaws.

Basically.

Yet, I would like to make an argument from a case study, if you will. I would assert that the the real Ravenclaw, the one person that embodies the true nature of what a Ravenclaw is to be, is arguably one of the most underrated yet crucial characters in the entire Harry Potter series.

I am, of course, speaking about Luna Lovegood.

Yes. THAT Luna.

“The girl gave off an aura of distinct dottiness. Perhaps it was the fact that she had stuck her wand behind her left ear for safekeeping, or that she had chosen to wear a necklace of Butterbeer corks, or that she was reading a magazine upside-down.”

When Luna first appeared on the scene in Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix, she was certainly different than the rest. Up to the point, there were no significant characters hailing from Ravenclaw (Come on, Cho Chang? A brick wall has more character development ). So Luna’s entrance made a statement: “You guys are outsiders? Me too.”

Her uniqueness is indicative of her brilliant, if eccentric, mind. Often it was this fact that isolated her from other students. Even Harry and his crew weren’t sure how to react to someone who placed their wand behind their ear, let alone know what to make of someone wearing a necklace of corks. Yet, as well all know, Luna quickly became someone Harry and company grew to appreciate.

“Luna did not seem perturbed by Ron's rudeness; on the contrary, she simply watched him for a while as though he were a mildly interesting television programme.

 ‘Wit beyond measure is man's greatest treasure,’ said Luna in a sing-song voice.”

Her mind allowed her to see past a person’s faults. Despite the way many treated her, she only saw the good. If you go back and read, you may find that Luna was never heard uttering a foul thing about anyone. She never returned evil with evil. Only ever evil with good. In fact, when Harry sees the Thestrals for the very first time, she’s the ONLY one that doesn’t think he’s crazy.

Look at the pretty Death Horse, Harry!!!

 “‘Oh, yes,’ said Luna, ‘I've been able to see them ever since my first day here. They've always pulled the carriages. Don't worry. You're just as sane as I am.’”

Luna could have easily played to the ravenclaw stereotype. She could have pushed the idea that Harry was mad, while keeping the knowledge that the Thestrals existed all to herself. True ravenclaw as she is, Luna shared in Harry’s experience, which later proved to be a moment of comfort as well as bonding. Call me optimistic, but Luna knew what she was doing in sharing that information.

I believe this sets the stage for Luna’s finest moment. The one where she literally enables Harry to defeat Voldemort. Harry has no real clue where to find Ravenclaw’s Diadem, and has a brash Gryffindor moment when Luna tries to help him. Luna knew she couldn’t back down. Though different than the book, Luna literally saved them all with information in Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows, Part 2:

Luna: Harry, wait! I need to talk to you!

Harry: I'm a bit pre-occupied at the moment, Luna.

Luna: You don't know where you're going. You're wasting your time!

Harry: Look, we'll talk later, okay?

Luna: Harry?

Harry: Later.

Luna: Harry Potter, you listen to me right now! Do you remember what Cho said about Rowena Ravenclaw's diadem? There is not a person alive who's seen it. It's obvious, isn't it? We have to talk to someone who's dead.

"Come on, Harry, get your head out of your butt."

She wouldn’t stop until Harry listened to her. It wasn’t pride that pushed Luna ot insist on sharing knowledge. It was love. Love for a friend that she knew could die in the vain pursuit of the diadem. This feat, along with others, was so influential that Harry and Ginny named their daughter, in part, after Luna.

Luna is the true embodiment of what a Ravenclaw should be.

Eccentric. Unique. Intelligent. Creative. Innovative.

Ravenclaws endeavor to gain knowledge. Real Ravenclaws go on to use that knowledge to better others. To spur themselves to action, and help guide their peers to achieve the impossible. This is the core of what being a Ravenclaw is all about.

Fellow Ravenclaws, if you want to know what our House stands for, then you need to watch Luna. Carefully.

Who knows? You might learn something.

The Hellfire Chronicle: Dirt Rings and Red Stones

Throughout the history of our great continent of Elibe, there have been many occurrences that can simply be referred to as legends. The Scouring, the massive war that pitted man against dragon in what seemed a hopeless war. The Eight Legends, who crafted their weapons of legend, made to strike down dragon, that brought mankind back from the brink of destruction. The events of the last several years are something that I, having lived through them, can only describe as worldchanging. Like many tales that transcend time, the events that set our legend in motion seemed mundane in comparison to all that would come to pass. This Chronicle, which has found its way to you, relays this information from the eyes, ears, and words of those who lived it. While the Legion had been around for around two years already, its legend begins on a calm Spring day in mid-March in the year 983…

    As with every challenge for full membership in the Legion, it was around noontide of the day the duel was set. Every member, from the newest trainee, all the way up to Cinder himself, was present. Asher, our second-in-command, was centered in the sparring area, which has been worn to dirt from constant use. On this day, a new format of challenge was to occur. Due to an increase in the number of trainees, gone are the days of a one-on-one duel with a captain to earn their red. Now to earn the red garb of the Hellfire Legion, one must, with a partner now, finish their six month training cycle. At the end of the cycle, they face off with another group to the point of inability to fight to earn membership. The winners earn their red. The defeated either leave the group, or may elect to repeat their training and fight another group to earn membership. This fated day, one group stands where they stood six months ago and were beaten by our group’s ninth and tenth full members, Osric and Silver. After a year of Asher’s demanding physical training, Grant and Langley were aptly prepared for their challengers. Across from them stood two men who met on the road briefly before joining the Legion. Duringard, a man in his mid-twenties, was once a minor noble in Pherae, before his father and elder brother were assassinated. His family’s remaining holdings were picked apart by the other nobles of the city, and all he had left was his cavalry unit. Misfortune struck, leaving only him, his horse, and word of a group of mercenaries that were working out of the northeastern part of Lycia. On his way there, he encountered a nomad of Sacae, wandering aimlessly through the Lycian countryside. This young man, now his partner, was a member of the Cimmerian tribe, found in the northern mountains of his home continent. Corin was considered a barbarian amongst his tribe, more so among the rest of the tribes of Sacae. Fate couldn’t bring together two more different individuals. Fate didn’t care. Fate needed these two for its plans of grandeur. Fate required them to be prepared to what would come. This was just the first step towards all that the world would throw at them.

    In the true mercenary spirit, many of the members were placing bets on the outcome of the fight. There seemed to be no favorite in the betting. Both teams had a member skilled with hammers and axes, the other with dual wielding swords. The combatants held their training weapons at the ready. Grant’s knuckles were white from clenching his sword handles. Duringard’s ever-calm demeanor was being tested. All four of them knew what was at stake here. Asher gave both teams a look and a nod. He backed out of the ring, and spoke.

“Give it everything you’ve got, and fight ‘til you can’t!”

    At once, the teams dashed at each other. Like fighters met at the center of the ring. Duringard scored a quick hit to Langley’s chest, knocking the wind from him. Corin and Grant locked swords in a contest of strength. Recovering from the hit, Langley gave a counterattack, but was met with Duringard’s hammer, the blow deflected. Grant, realizing he would soon be overpowered, broke away from the deadlock, and took a pair of swings at Corin, one sword connecting, the other caught by Corin’s swords. With a skillful maneuver, Corin disarmed him of one his weapons by using his momentum to rip it from Grant’s hands and throw it to the side. However, with his side exposed, Grant used the small opening to strike with full force at Corin’s ribs. He was rewarded with a solid knock that garnered a few grimaces from the onlookers. Seeing his partner’s success, Langley refocused on Corin and hit him squarely in the back with his hammer. To save his partner, Duringard forced himself between Langley and Corin. His armor would be able to eat a blow or two while he assisted Corin dispatch his rival. With a swing of the hammer and a pair of swings from Corin’s training blades, Grant took the full force of their efforts and was beaten. Right before he slipped unconscious, he uttered a phrase of encouragement to his teammate. Seeing that this was now an unfair fight, Langley attacked with reckless abandon. Duringard’s armor did exactly what it needed to do. The team, now able to focus their efforts, moved to surround him. And while Langley could give as good as he took with Duringard, the combined assault from Corin and Duringard proved to be too much and he fell from many strikes from Corin’s weapons.

    The duel lasted a matter of minutes, and it took a few seconds after the fight was over for the duo to realize that it was won. Corin and Duringard were met with several cheers and the odd groan from people that lost their wager. The trainees soon left, and the other full members helped the defeated team to their feet and led them off to receive any needed medical attention. At this point, all that remained in the training yard were the victors and the four captains of the Legion. Cinder, the commander of the Legion, skilled in many magics; Asher, the sub-commander and blacksmith for the Legion; Heath, the quartermaster and stable master; and Glint, head of scouting and the architect of the Legion’s fort, awaited them. Cinder stepped forward and was applauding slowly.

“Let me be the first to congratulate you on your victory today. This is an important day for you two. First things first. Asher!”

Asher produced two large cloaks from a bag he was carrying. They were freshly made and dyed a dark crimson color. He gave one to each of them. Corin tied his around his waist almost in a manner similar to how Glint wore his. Duringard had other plans for his red. He held on to it and awaited what Cinder was going to tell them.

“This is your red. Take care of it. It denotes your full membership in our Legion. We want to stand out in the field. It makes us visible. It makes us memorable. When people see it, their first thought should be of the Hellfire Legion and what they can have us do, for the right price, naturally. Now that you are full members, you will need a captain to work with. While you’ve worked with all of us, from here on, you will work directly with one of us on your missions until we deem you proficient enough at finding jobs and have built up a reputation for yourself. As for who your captain is, we’ll let fate decide.”

He turned his attention to his fellow captains and they all walked over to a wooden box and each placed in two spherical stones. Asher put in black, Heath’s were the same shade of cerulean as his plate mail, Glint’s were a lush green. Cinder picked up the box and gave it a solid shake and placed in his two fire red stones before giving the box another shake. He stood facing Duringard, who stood about six inches taller than the commander, and motioned for him to draw. Duringard reached in and drew a red stone out. Cinder smiled, and walked to Corin, who towered over Cinder by at least a foot and placed his hand in. He gave Cinder a slightly puzzled look, and Cinder smirked back at him. Corin drew out the other red stone in the box. Cinder walked back to the table, put the box back on it, and dismissed the other captains. He leaned on the table and addressed his new team.

“Well, fate has determined that you will work alongside me. I’ll soon show you your new quarters in the fort as well. Truth be told, I wanted you on my team. I’ve watched the two of you throughout your training, and there’s something special about the two of you. I’m looking forward to teaching you what I know about being the best mercenaries the land has to offer. As far as the rest of the day goes? Rest up. I have a mission for us, and we’ll be heading into town tomorrow to accept it.”

Before he leaves, he flips a small latch on the box and removed the top half of the box, revealing a hole that was too small to allow Cinder’s stones to pass through, but the others could.

“Always remember, if you know what you’re getting into, you have more control over your fate than you realize.”

He gave a slight smile as he walked away. His words would prove to be more true than even he realized in the days, weeks, months, and years to come. The Legion would grow, fight in and lead armies, and take part in events unthought of for hundreds of years. And it all started with a duel with wooden weapons, fought on a field of dirt.

The Thursday Review: Mortal Kombat X

When I was asked to do a review on Mortal Kombat X, I was thrilled to say the least. Over the course of my videogame experience, which began when I was about 4 or 5, there’s no name that’s held on to me quite like Mortal Kombat (not even Mario). Besides the fact that fighters are easily my favorite genre of videogame, Mortal Kombat’s story and characters have always stood out to me like no other game series. I’ve played every game from MK1 to MKX, with the exception of the 3 spin-off games (Special Forces, Mythologies, and Shaolin Monks).

Sometime after the initial excitement wore off, the dreaded reality set in. I have to write a review on a fighting game, but I’M A BUTTON MASHER!!!

Yes, I must confess. Even though fighters are my favorite genre, I’m the guy that learns a few moves, then rubs his thumbs over the buttons and hopes for the best.However, I’ve realized that I’m not alone in that. That being said, I intend to make this a very “user friendly” review, for the both the hardcore and non-hardcore fighting game enthusiast.

When reviewing this game, I’ll be doing so upon the following criteria: Story, Gameplay, Characters, Online, and Offline Content. Mortal Kombat X is available for the PS4, Xbox One, and PC.

Story

Mortal Kombat’s story has always been the series’ biggest selling point, in my opinion, and this game does not disappoint. The story mode takes you on a cinematic journey, following a team of young heroines and heroes (all new characters), led by veteran characters Johnny Cage and Sonya Blade. They are tasked with attempting to save Earthrealm from the evil, fallen elder god, Shinnok. Seriously guys, this game’s story is awesome. Before I even had a PS4, I had already watched YouTube compilations of all of the cutscenes several times, and the gameplay with it only makes it better. From the political struggles in Outworld (with a potential insurrection in the works), to the budding romance between two characters (who I won’t reveal for spoilers sake), to the internal struggle of a young woman trying to fill the shoes of her mother and father, who are estranged from one another, all while leading a group that has not yet come to terms with her position of authority. This game has it all. Throughout the story mode, you will play as several different characters, as the game not only guides you through its overarching story, but also explores each character's unique backstory so the player can better understand the character’s perspective. In typical Mortal Kombat fashion, there’s a lot of treachery and bloodshed. I guarantee you will be surprised by at least one of the plot twists in the story. For those who may not be fans of the fighting genre or of Mortal Kombat particularly, this game’s story is where I feel you will be most won over.

Gameplay

The gameplay of MKX is, in my opinion, the smoothest gameplay that the series has ever had. Mortal Kombat’s gameplay in general has stepped up since being under Warner Bros (also known for the DC fighting game, Injustice), and combined with next gen technology, this is both the best looking and feeling MK game to date, in my opinion. The graphics are crisp and the characters’ motions are smooth. The game has more than enough detailed stages to keep the gamer visually stimulated. If that is not enough for you, each of the stages has interactive background items that can be used for attack, defense, and fatalities. Literally, there is a stage where you can attack your opponent by hitting them with an elderly woman who is standing in the background! As Mortal Kombat is probably most noted for, the fatalities in this game are the best I’ve seen in the MK series. Each character has multiple fatalities, exclusive to their character that shows off how vicious and creative they can be. Each character also has an “easy fatality”, where the button command input is catered to button mashers, such as me. I must admit I am quite partial to Cassie Cage’s “Selfie” fatality, and, if you know me, I’m sure you can guess why.

Cinnamon, though...

In addition to fatalities, this game also incorporates brutalities, which are slightly less gruesome than fatalities, but still render the opponent dead, and, my favorite, x-rays. X-rays were incorporated into the MK series with the previous game (MK9) and are brutal combos in which the same gives you X-ray vision on the opponent, where you can see each of their bones being broken as your character completes his/her combo. Like fatalities, these are character specific. Unlike fatalities, these can be pulled off at any point in the game that you have a full x-ray meter at the bottom of the screen. Overall the gameplay, is true to what many have come to love about Mortal Kombat while also bringing in new ideas that only further the brand, in my opinion.

Sonya has always been pretty stubborn.

Lastly, one of the best things about the game is that nothing you do is in vain. Every match, online or offline contributes to points for 1 of 5 factions that you must choose from when beginning the game. These points add up to in-game perks if your faction comes out on top in the weekly rankings. The factions are as follows: The Lin Kuei (They’re cool. Get it? Because that’s Sub-Zero’s faction. Okay I’ll stop), The Brotherhood of the Shadow (Boooo), The Special Forces (that’s me!), The White Lotus, and The Black Dragon. You can be a part of any faction, regardless of which characters you like to play as. Don’t worry, if you if you ever want to switch factions, you can at any time.

TR-8R would know.

Characters

Characters is one area that I feel that the MK series excels above all other fighting games and many other games period. MKX has all of the faces that you have come to know and love, from Raiden to Scorpion to Sub-Zero, and so on so forth. Out of the box, the game has a roster of 23 characters, with 1 additional character being available after completing story mode. MKX also introduces 8 new characters into the series, not counting those that are available as downloadable content (freaking Jason Voorhees, and others!). One of the things that I absolutely LOVE about this game is that every character has 3 fighting styles to choose from. This may seem overwhelming, but it’s really not. Each character’s standard, punches, kicks and throws are the same across all 3 fighting styles as well as the character’s fatalities, x-rays, etc. The difference comes in with the technique in which the character uses. Let’s take Scorpion for instance. Scorpion’s 3 styles to choose from are: Ninjitsu, Hellfire, and Inferno. In Scorpion’s Ninjitsu style, Scorpion relies heavily on fighting with dual swords. In Hellfire, Scorpion can call fire from the ground to burn the opponent and can also shoot fireballs. With Inferno, Scorpion can summon a demonic minion to aid in in the fight. In my online and offline battles, Inferno has given me the most problems of Scorpion’s 3 fighting styles. The 3 styles definitely add to the complexity of the game. You may be comfortable fighting against one version of Reptile, but, have you mastered all 3? I personally enjoy seeing how other fighters use my favorite character (Sonya), but with different styles.

Online

The online features of MKX are great, in my opinion. I can only speak from my experience on PlayStation Network here, but the online community is teeming with fighters from all levels of gameplay. I have never had to wait long for a fight to connect or, if I want to play a friend online, it’s super easy to connect with them (I could throw shade at Street Fighter V on this, but I’ll be good).

Offline

MKX has a wide variety of things to do offline, from the story mode to the classic arcade tower, and more. You can go to practice mode to sharpen your skills or training mode if you have no idea what you’re looking down at as you hold a controller in your hand. Training walks you step by step in the most fundamental aspects of the game. You can also complete various challenges to unlock content. One of the coolest offline modes, in my opinion, is the living towers. It’s the basic arcade mode, with random, often comedic, stipulations thrown in each match. The living towers updates with the online server to various themes at different times (Christmas, New Year’s and Valentine’s Day all had themes related to their respective holidays). And, of course, there is versus mode, where you can pummel your friends- always a must have.

Final Thoughts

I’ve always appreciated Mortal Kombat for its story, more than anything else. MK’s fighting never wowed me, until recent years (Warner Brother’s era). Prior to that in terms of gameplay, I was always a Tekken person, but the last few MK games have been phenomenal, with this one taking the top position. Whether you’re a casual fan who just likes the blood and gore, or an experienced player who likes to learn the ins and outs of a game, I can’t recommend a better fighting game for you. I cannot come up with a numerical score for this game, as I’ve never been good at those kinds of things, but this game is DEFINITELY a Flawless Victory as far as I’m concerned.

It get’s a Talkin’ Nerdy rating of 10/10.

Additional Information

On 3/1/2016, Mortal Kombat XL was released. This is the same game as MKX, but has every DLC character already available, every fatality already unlocked, and every costume for each character. The gameplay is the same and is compatible online with MKX. If you don’t already have MKX, I would recommend this game. You can pick it up at your local retailer for $59.99 (same as most new release games). If you do already have MKX and want this additional content, which gives you access to a total of 4 additional characters (9 if you haven’t purchased any of the DLC characters in MKX), you can download the XL package for $29.99. No need to buy an entirely new game.  MKXL is only available for the PS4 and Xbox One. It was not released for the PC.

The Eric Nelson RAW Report (Feb, 29 2016)

"The Right" by experimental R&B group KING permeates the room. I often have something as a backdrop whenever I'm playing something. Sometimes I simply appreciate the in-game music, Fallout being a fine example, but I often want my own mood to be set. Not that Animal Crossing: New Leaf doesn't have nice ambient music of it's own, but I needed a little more substance. As butter-smooth as KING is being right now, I still find myself repeatedly hitting my neighbor Hippeux in the head with a bug net, in the attempt to anger him to the point of moving out of my village.  Run The Jewels may have been a more appropriate music choice, as I rail on this dude's head for simply having an annoying schtick. I just want a duck to move in the village. I like ducks, and Hippeux has to go. It's mad hot in here.

I get up to turn the fan on. While I'm up I peek out of the crack of where my door is practically closed, but not technically closed, at least not to where I can get yelled at about it for being closed. My dad is yelling at the tv. I didn't have a good enough view to actually see the television screen, so he's either yelling at an opposing sports team, his own sports team, or liberals who are everything that is wrong with this country. That's sarcasm for the record. On my part, not his. You get it, right?

As I sit down to continue my session of gentrification on the 3ds, I can't help but pay attention to the fan. It's spinning. The blades on it, I mean. It's not slowed down or anything, but I can see it all, vividly. It's hard to explain. It's the same exact speed as always yet the spinning isn't a blur, I can see super clearly as if it's super slowed down. Guess it wasn't that hard to explain at all. I'm sweating. I know I said it was mad hot in here, but this is more. I'm dizzy, kind of out of it, sweating, and focusing on these fan propellers way too much.

I awake. I didn't know I fell asleep really. Crap....did I leave my 3ds on all night? It's probably dead, I didn't save, and that stupid mole is gonna give me an earfull. I'm not in my room. Wood....wood on everything. Wood on wood on wood. This is a freakin' log cabin. Not a modern one either where people enjoy the aesthetic but it still has wifi and a Keurig, more of an actual Skyrim, Dragon's Dogma-esque actual effing log cabin. This bed is practically hay on wood. And there is a fireplace! This entire enclosure is wood and hay, and there is a fireplace! Brilliant! And most importantly, where am I!? Possibly more important, why wasn't that my first thought?! And in third, in a sentence exlaiming excitement and a question, does the question mark or exclamation point come first?! Does it depend on which emotion is stronger?

I walk outside, before some creepy guy with a mustache pulls up in a white van and comes back in to check on his prey. I have no clue where I am and how I got here. I don't remember anything. I don't remember my name, where I'm from, I sure as heck don't remember the first three paragraphs. My memory bank is empty. Entirely empty. I can traverse it, strangely enough. I can search the depths of my mind, like a CPU. There is something here. Tucked away in the corner of what I'm going to assume is a brain crevice or something, a bit of information. I open my mouth to relay whatever information I find.

"Monday Night Raw opens up with Triple H's music. Well, I mean it was him or Steph that was going to start the show off with a 20 minute promo (Turns out we get both. Hurray!) Dude delivers a pretty solid promo, for someone who is known for delivering solid promos. Not great, not boring....solid. Authority is necessary. We all listen to authority in our lives. We hate it, but it's necessary. That kind of stuff. Dean Ambrose guitar riff thing that sounds like the Road Warriors opening riff! What a rush! Dean limps out in a way that implies to some that he's injured, but implies to me that he's a G, and he's fixing to collect his money from Trips. It appears they are heading towards a program with Dean and Trips. This is interesting, considering this should be Roman, and hint hint, Roman isn't actually injured (You seen Byron slip him that blood capsule.) Dean challenges Trips, and to a title match at that. "You can't beat him" chants toward Trips. This is great. Dean, by the way, is gold on the mic. Why? Because he doesn't cut promos like a wrestler. He talks like a human being. He has the support of the fans, way more than Roman. I like Dean Ambrose if that hasn't been clear yet. Roman.....not so much. We get an Oscars reference. The fans didn't react to it, because they're here to watch wrestling, not the writers try to be relevant. Dean wants an answer by the end of the night.

Quesalupa commercial. They're not bad, but underwhelming. Pepsi commercial. I hate my job. I really hate it. Check on me later.

Ric Flair and Charlotte at ringside. Out comes Becky Lynch. If you haven't watch Becky on NXT, she can go, and is a great talent, and the main roster needs to utilize that more. She has a dope entrance as well. Out comes Sasha Banks. So you can just scratch all that I said about Becky. Sasha Banks vs Bayley at the recent two NXT specials were AMAZING! Sasha Banks is completely capable of being to top heel of pro wrestling, and completely showed it in NXT. Gonna get personal, seeing a woman, and one of color, be that good at what she does, in an industry that has never been for women, people of color, and naturally, not women of color, and be that over with the fanbase....she is amazing. I pull for Sasha Banks. She's dope on all cylinders. Becky Lynch can eat a booger at this point. My mom on the couch complaining about their fake hair colors. (I watch Raw at my parents' house, as I don't have cable.) Any womens match, there is a spewing of hatred from my mom. Those boobs are bought. Those are hair extensions. We get it, mom.

The fans are into this match, which I love. We've been conditioned for a while that the womens matches are the bathroom break of the show. Slowly, that perception is changing. Again, go watch Sasha vs Bayley. Both matches. Pay for the Network. Find it on youtube, find it illegally, steal a physical copy from a dvd store, just slide it into that large hoody you own for such thievery. Watch it! Back to the match, some solid wrestling here. I love it.

Chrisley commercial. Clayuss not Ayuss!

Back to the match. Double knees to the face of Becky by Sasha and a solid dropkick from Becky are highlights of this one. Double pin. Draw. Not the smoothest ending there, but still, proud of Becky and Sasha here. Hoping this leads to a triple threat at Mania, as both Becky and Sasha deserve to be in the title match at Mania. The fans seem to agree here.

Wyatts promo. Insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results, Bray says. Is he taking shots at the booking and writing? The irony of the Wyatts saying this. Poor Bray, he constantly delivers what I consider captivating promos, simply trying to explain his own horrible booking in metaphysical voodoo metaphors.

Dolph Ziggler vs The Miz. This is the first moment of Raw where I would break out my PS Vita or 3ds if I wasn't now reviewing the show. Wrestling commences. Miz wins with a rollup. Not sure where this is going. They show some country music guy in the crowd. I could care less, but it didn't make me actively angry at least, like anything involving Flo Rida or Florida Georgia Line on Raw.

Recap of Shane McMahon last week. I know it was last week, but.....them Jordan 1's though. Shane ain't playin' with yall. Undertaker has the match in the bag as long as he don't step on Shane's feet. Step on Shane's Js at Mania, Taker's gonna be the Deadman for real.

Steph comes out. Her music is perfect for her character. That horrible rap music that people think people who listen to rap enjoy, but we actually don't even know who that is rapping, because it's hot garbage. I bet Stephanie likes Macklemore. I just hurled all over my keyboard. Went to Walmart to buy another one. Back. Vincent J McMahon Award Ceremony speech. A lot of hatred towards Shane. I would bet money a lot of these feelings are real, as her acting is actually decent here. Shane was never here while I was here on every Raw. Sounds like Cena when he was so butthurt that the fans liked The Rock. That family seems so much like Game of Thrones. I'm glad I'm an only child.

Lucha Dragons vs Sheamus and Rusev. JBL mentions wanting to ban the "Lucha" chant. Wonder who he's voting for. Rusev gets the pin. None of us were paying attention to this match. League of Nations is such a fail.

Natalya with a Subway plug. Funny story, last week I was talking up how lately I've been craving tuna salad sandwiches. I ended up getting one from Subway at some point. But, my dad made a thing of tuna salad for me to take home and make sandwiches. So....that's a thing not crucial to this wrestling review at all.

Domino's commercial. They have their own car now!

Ryback comes out without all that stupid merch he wears. Squashes Adam Rose in a match. We can take Ryback seriously again. Rose looks like when I was a child in my underwear pretending to be a wrestler.

OHHHHHHHH NASHVILLE, DON'T YOU DARE BE SOUR! Out come New Day. They talk about "loose booty", does that mean what I assume it means? Sonic and Tails, and Snoop and Dre references. I no longer ever have to explain why I love New Day, ever. They even said Y2AJ in a way that tells me they know how stupid it is. Just to be clear. Y2AJ.........everything about it.....I loathe. You already have nothing for AJ Styles to do, and he just got here. Ok, WWE, whatever. New Day vs Y2AJ. Wrestling commences. At a point in the match, Kofi slides out of the ring, where Xavier Woods tells Kofi to draw a card. Kofi draws a card. Xavier inquires what card he drew. "I got his number!" My life is complete. Y2AJ win the match. AJ and Cool Dad Jericho cut a promo. Even they sound like they know it's a stupid name.

Todd Chrisley in the crowd! You need to quit runnin around here actin like Larry Flint!

Out comes Vince. I wish Vince's age was more incorporated into his character. Face Vince comes out passing out Werther's Originals to fans, heel Vince complains about minorities taking over the country. Book it! So he cuts a promo, and it's always weird, because he seems to acknowledge that people want Shane to win because they want change, and are sick of the booking and writing and format. He doesn't come out and say that, but I get the sense that he gets that. So....why don't YOU just deliver a better product? Either way, Taker comes out. Vince starts to talk and Taker grabs him by the "goozler strap" as my dad refers to the neck area. Taker says like two lines. Best use of Taker. Something like "You know who I am, You know what I do. The blood of your  son is gonna be on your hands, not mine." Then he leaves. Vince continues his old man ramblings. Shane will no longer be his son, but rather, just a son of a b. Hilarious.

An Uso vs Bubba Ray Dudley is next. D'Von cheats, and they point out that the Dudleys are hypocrites for using a table when they refused to do it anymore, but fail to point out the hypocrisy that D'Von was a reverend, and they clearly bleeped out him using curse words. Shame on you D'Von!

I wasn't a big fan of the Goldust/R-Truth stuff, but it seems to be heading in an interesting direction. I'm intrigued enough. I'll bite. Anyways, R-Truth shuts down Goldust before he can even say anything, then seems to feel bad about it.

Kevin Owens vs Big Show is next. How bittersweet, the lovely taste of Kevin Owens mixed with the Big Show-y taste of vomit and cat terds. Even Kevin Owens can't make me care about this match. Big Show wins by a countout, and he has a big dumb face.

Interview with Brie Bella backstage. She's the worst actor ever. Lana shows up. I'm guessing this will lead to something. I wonder if Lana is finally going to wrestle a match. Naomi vs Brie is the actual match coming up. I'm sure my mom complained about something. One of Naomi's shoes wasn't turned on, which is the only thing I really noticed about the match. Naomi wins by a submission. Lana comes out. Previous thoughts.

The Freebirds are being inducted into the Hall of Fame. Heavy editing was done to find these jokers without being draped in rebel flags. If movies were people, Michael Hayes would be a Lifetime movie. That's what I think of the quality of him as a human being.

Sasha and Becky are backstage arguing over who won. In comes Charlotte with Ric. Sasha and Becky have another match on Smackdown to determine who faces Charlotte at Mania.

Dean Ambrose comes out for his match against Alberto Del Rio. I kind of dozed off during this entire match, and was awakened by the sound of Triple H's music. Trips comes down for a beatdown on Dean Ambrose, seemingly like an acknowledgement that this should be the story going into Mania, and Roman shouldn't be anywhere near this situation. I'm heavily intrigued by the direction of Mania at this point. Could Dean win from Triple H next week on Raw and face Roman at Mania? Who's the heel there? Raw ends, and I have no idea how to close out the review, and I don't wanna close out with a 'see you guys next time'. So.......yep."

I stand outside the log cabin, in the cold of the night, staring down at a dirt road in front of me, and darkness in the distance, completely vexed as to why a summary of a three hour wrestling show uncontrollably spewed from my mouth. A previously unnoticed shadowy figure approaches. I can't see who or what it is, due to the darkness of night, but I hear in a gravely voice "You're him...the one spoken of in the ancient prophecies."

What?

Silver and Green: Redeeming Slytherin House

"You could be great, you know, and Slytherin will help you on the way to greatness, no doubt about that."- The Sorting Hat

I'll be honest, when I was asked to write an article redeeming Slytherin House, I knew that I had a difficult task ahead of me.

  As everyone knows, Slytherin has quite a bad reputation. Firstly, its founder was a pure-blood fanatic. Secondly, it produced the one and only He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named and nearly all of his followers. So obviously, I took to the internet to search for some insight on some good qualities of Slytherins.

I didn't find much.

Mostly, everything I found talked about how Slytherins are power-hungry, muggle hating, dark wizards who are insanely selfish and weepy cowards. All of the "good" things I found about Slytherin had no substance. It was all stuff like, "We have the best common room," and "We're just the coolest House," and the worst one, "Everyone looks good in green."

 That is a nice hearth.

Yet there's so much more to being in Slytherin than just these dumb, shallow things.

The Pottermore Sorting Hat quiz placed me in Slytherin. No, I didn't expect it to. Honestly, I didn't think I possessed any Slytherin traits because, up until that point, I thought all of the Slytherin traits were bad. So I thought, if I got sorted into Slytherin, and I'm not a bad person, then what does that say about the other Slytherins? Maybe they're not bad people, either.

Some of the most common traits that Slytherins share are actually fantastic. Resourcefulness is a main one, being described as using skill and creativity to cope with new situations and difficulties. Now that doesn't sound so bad, does it? What about ambition and cleverness? Also common Slytherin qualities, and very useful ones at that. One of my favorite things about being a Slytherin though, is how fiercely loyal we are to our friends and family, almost to a fault.

This isn't working. I tried, guys. I really did. I gave it my best effort. You want to know the truth? Here it is:

I cannot come up with a solid argument in favor of Slytherins that outweighs all the bad they've done.

See, I had come to terms with my sorting. Remembering people like Severus Snape and Horace Slughorn led me to say, "Hey, being a Slytherin isn't too bad!" I got excited about my House. I have Slytherin t-shirts, socks, jewelry, and notebooks. I was all about some Slytherin Pride. However, having done more thorough research, I have recalled why I hated Slytherin so much in the first place.

Slytherins seem like such terrible people, and why wouldn't they be? Salazar Slytherin was literally the worst. He was OBSESSED with blood purity, so much so that he hid a huge freaking basilisk inside Hogwarts to petrify and murder Muggle-Borns. Lord Voldemort was a Slytherin student, along with every single one of the Death Eaters (with the exception of Peter Pettigrew, who was probably the ONLY Gryffindor student to ever become a dark wizard). The Malfoys, of course, are Slytherins and some of the most egotistical, cold-hearted people who have walked the earth. Speaking of the Malfoys, Draco is such an annoying snot that I found myself high-fiving the book when Hermione slapped him in the face in Prisoner of Azkaban. Also, if you'll all remember correctly, the Slytherins were sent away during the Battle of Hogwarts because of Pansy Parkinson and her big mouth. Lastly, the most HORRENDOUS character in the Harry Potter universe, Dolores Umbridge, is (you guessed it) a Slytherin.

The true face of purest evil.

Luckily though, there's a bit of redemption for a few of these characters. The Malfoys proved not to be wholly terrible at the end of Deathly Hallows. Apparently, some Slytherins came back to the Battle of Hogwarts with Slughorn when he was gathering reinforcements. Snape, of course, broke everyone's hearts with the backstory of his loyalty and sacrifice. Draco realized that he'd been a first class toolbag the whole time and I'm assuming he became a better person based on the epilogue in Deathly Hallows. And I even found Umbridge easier to deal with when she was being carried into the Forbidden Forest by centaurs in Order of the Phoenix.

Here's the thing, though. I know that it seems like I'm totally dogging out Slytherin right now, but I can kind of see where they're coming from. Think about it. If I had become a first-year at Hogwarts along with Harry Potter, I would've been a scared, shy little girl. I probably would've sat in a compartment by myself on the Hogwarts Express. Maybe other first-years would've talked to me. Maybe we would've discussed things like Quidditch and the Hogwarts Houses. I'm sure they would've mentioned that Slytherin was the worst House, saying that anyone who was sorted there would be destined for darkness.Then picture what happened when we got to Hogwarts.

The Sorting Ceremony having begun, McGonagall would've called my name, directing me to place the Hat on top of my head.With a bit of deliberation and a very loud shout,  it would've placed me in Slytherin. At that moment, I would've thought, this house can't be too bad, right? Yet then I would've noticed that hardly anyone clapped for me as I joined the Slytherin table. The people who I'd befriended on the Hogwarts Express wouldn't have anything to do with me anymore. Suddenly, I was a part of the "bad house", and therefore no good myself.

I would've realized that everyone else in the entire school booed our quidditch team as they entered the pitch. Realized that all the other Houses didn't trust us. I would've noticed that there seemed to be inter-House unity, but that it didn't seem to include my House.

I would've worked hard, along with my fellow classmates, to earn enough points so that Slytherin would win the House Cup at the end of the year. I would've been overjoyed when the Great Hall was decked out in green and silver, and elated when Dumbledore announced us the winners. Yet, as you all know, Dumbledore would wait until the last second to award just enough points to a few rule-breaking Gryffindors that would propel them to victory. The whole school, hearing of our demise, would fill the Great Hall with deafening cheers.

Right then, I would have developed a very bad attitude towards the other Houses, vowing to do anything I could to earn their hatred, even though I'd already received it.
See? It's a vicious cycle.

I guess what I'm trying to say here is that although Slytherin's bad reputation is well earned, being in Slytherin doesn't mean that you're a bad person. Sure, we have our faults. Everyone has faults, no matter what House you're in. Gryffindors, Ravenclaws, and even the lovely Hufflepuffs (who are totally underrated and should be proud of their House and what it stands for). We should all be proud of our Houses, because they're a reflection of who we are as people. We should be proud of ourselves. So maybe I can't redeem Slytherin House as a whole. Maybe it's past is just too dark. That's okay.

Some of the best people I know have the darkest pasts.